In Defense of the Hot Dog Straw

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Screenshot: ICT Tac

The maneuver did not appear to be a joke, nor the result of a challenge under the encouragement of spectators. The Yankees fan sat in as much solitude as can be expected in a crowded baseball stadium, his body facing the aisle, surreptitiously crafting a hot dog straw through which to sip a cup of draft beer. Within twelve hours, the internet was brought to its knees.

A video of the incident was posted by director Nicolas Heller, aka @NewYorkNico, who often posts videos of strange fan behavior in the stands at Yankee Stadium. The caption simply read, “Baseball games have been spiraling out of control lately.

But as major sports news outlets picked up the message and baseball fans nationwide attended the display, tempers flared and emotions were piqued. Here is a small sample of anger:

  • “Bruh incarcerate this man WTF is it”
  • “Arrest this man”
  • “That’s not right” (tweeted notably by Bud Light)
  • “Send this [expletive] deep in hell”
  • “Report this to the feds immediately”
  • “Mother of God.”

But you know what? Everyone should calm. I love the hot dog straw, and I guess you do too.

My initial defense of this fan was going to be that, ultimately, I can relate. Not because I crave a hot dog dripping in pilsner (I do not), but because I do a lot of things throughout my daily life just to sort of…see what would happen if I did them. Just yesterday, I thought it would be satisfying to see whether I could land a detergent pod into the washing machine from six feet away. And when I bought cookie butter for the first time, I tried combining that stuff with absolutely everything in my pantry to make sure there was no delicious stone left unturned. So, seeing a tubular meat and wondering how it fares as a straw just might be one of those brain-worm things that won’t go away until you try it.

That said, this defense doesn’t quite work when you see how practiced the fan looks at creating glizzy straws. This straw method might be something that this person does regularly, either at home or at games. And that is, in a way, even more endearing. You spend so much on a hot dog and a beer at the parks these days, why deprive yourself of the added pleasure of consuming them as you wish? The hot dog straw hurts no one and will live rent-free in the American consciousness for years to come. It’s a quietly powerful little scene: as an anonymous fan in a sea of ​​50,000, this person is living their life exactly how they want to live it.

Or maybe this person was trying to do an internet joke on purpose, in which case drinking from a glittery straw seems like a fair price to pay for going viral.

The fan licks both ends of the straw used to puncture the dog before replacing that straw with the “enhanced” straw, suggesting that the real goal here was to squeeze every ounce of that salty, umami flavor out of the experience – which , I have to say, it’s the same reason I eat plain hot dogs. There’s nothing on the planet that tastes quite like this most American sausage, and if you want to pair it with a domestic American beer, go for it. Personally, I like to keep these flavors separate, but I’d rather have the fan beside me to quietly whip up a hot dog straw than build a dripping and obtsruction cup snake through my section of the ballpark.

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